LIFE-FOOTSTEPS: July 2013

Papa was a serious, straightforward and disciplined man who demanded little from those around him, and who gave only the best for us.

Papa loves music and I remembered him bringing me to watch the movie “Sounds of Music” many times. He taught me songs and his favourite singer was Jim Reeves.

Dad loves James Bond movies ! He always brought me along and we had seen all the 007 movies starring Sean Connery.

Papa have never, ever raised his voice at us nor disciplined us physically, all he had to do was glared at us with his fiery eyes and us kids will be subdued.

Papa was the typical Chinese father who does not express himself in words.

"Love for children means devotion in actions and not just in words” - this phrase very aptly sums it up.

The only time we saw him in an emotional state was at the funeral of his elder brother who died of lung cancer due to smoking. I was stunned to see him crying as I've never seen him so devastated.

My dad was a very strong willed person. After his brother's death, he decided on that very day to quit smoking. Yep, just like that, cold-turkey.

He was a very heavy smoker. You'll never see him without a cigarette except while working. He smoked at least 2 packets a day.

I remembered waking up in the middle of the night to go to the loo and seeing him sitting up on the bed, huddled with his blanket around him, struggling against the withdrawal symptoms.

After leaving school, I wanted to accompany a good friend to work in a factory to earn extra money but dad absolutely refused to let me.

He was afraid I would fall into bad company and learnt bad words.

Dad gave me allowances every week. I can't remember how much it was but it must have been generous because I have enough to buy pop magazines to read.

Dad even sourced for me a school to learn typewriting as he thought it will be a good skill to have.

Papa steered me on my career path.

“Go out and see the world. Don't be cooped up in Singapore” he said to me.

He helped me applied for jobs in the travel industry. He accompanied me to every interviews! Dad would patiently wait for me outside the office. I finally got a job and was based in Italy for a year.

When I returned to Singapore, dad told me to apply for a job at the airport in order to get travel benefits and so I did, as a Passenger Services Agent.

I got free and discounted tickets on SIA and travelled to half the world and more.

After I quit, I joined an airline as a reservation/ticketing agent and continued to get free tickets on many airlines and continued to visit many more places.

Even after my brother and I got married, he continued to worry about us and support us. “We as parents will always worry no matter how old they are” he once said to a relative.

After dad retired, he helped to looked after my brother's 3 sons when they were born.

He would take the MRT from his home to my brother's home just to bring the kids to the nursery/kindergarten.

Picked the kids up when they finished and send them home before he takes the long ride back to his home.

Everyday he went, rain or shine, without fail.

Towards the end of my dad’s life it was very difficult for our family to watch him struggle with cancer.

Even though he was fighting such a difficult battle he still showed the most concern for us and how we were doing.

I believe there is a reason for everything, including what our father suffered and the single thing that came to my mind was that he brought all his many brothers and sisters together again as they realised that they should cherish each other more.

I’ve been trying to find the right words to convey just how selfless my Dad was.

It felt like every decision and move he made, you would find us; my brother and his family, my Mom, me and family and especially the grandchildren at the heart of it all. He did it all for us. We were his world.

It’s difficult to imagine him not being around and I’m not sure how we will all cope. The grandchildren, especially the eldest, will miss him dearly. It’s strange to think that I can’t just give him a call or pop around. Dad lived a happy life and only succumbed to ill health right at the very end.

The loss of my father has been difficult for us all. It is the single most difficult experience I have ever been through. While I’ve also been told that, in time, the hurt will fade, to be replaced by memories that soothe the soul and fill the heart with peace, for now the pain is too immediate, tinging my favorite recollections with a sadness that brings tears to my eyes even as I smile.

His legacy is this – the love he gave his family. And I want everyone to know and to remember that this was his greatest gift.

We love you Papa and we will miss you.

When I think of my father, I am younger.

Always the child, with so much to learn,

and he an eager teacher.

Always the child, to be protected,

and he a guardian at all costs.

Even in his failing days, those roles could not reverse.

I don't think that he ever accepted the notion that he must be cared for,

rather than taking care of others.

Though an adult, responsible unto myself,

I remained not just his daughter, but his child.